Summertime Blues...

So things have straightened out with my dad and Adam having him come over. Now though, I'm having second thoughts on him going to 'bama to stay w/my mom the first two weeks in July. What's the reason you're wondering? Well, nobody will know when he goes to my dad's that he's over there. But, when he's over mom's place, Derek will be calling bugging the shit out of mom, keeping her upset and then he'll know Adam is over there. I really wish I'd have listened to someone when I was pregnant with Derek and had given him up for adoption. He and his dad's family are the ones that put me in the hospital with a nervous breakdown in 2004. I feel another breakdown coming and with me not having a job, it'll make this one just the more worse for wear. I'm scared to be honest. Scared of having another breakdown. Because this time, I fear it'll lead to an attempted suicide. I just really feel, with the exception of Gary and maybe Adam at times....that nobody will give a shit if I died. Nobody will. Nobody will miss me. And everyone will be alot better without me here on earth. I can't take anymore of Derek's shit. Not again....I can't.....